Like a Boss:Understanding True Leadership

“The ear of the leader must ring with the voices of the people."

— Woodrow Wilson

When I was 12 years old, I ran for Student Council President at the small Catholic school I attended in Albuquerque, New Mexico. I was excited about the prospect of having the power and authority to make a difference in the lives of my school community. I just knew I had lots of ideas that everyone one else would love. I was excited to present them and enact the kind of change that would be best for them. I won that election and as I prepared for a new year, I started to realize that my values didn’t align with the students’, and they wanted things that I was sure were not in their own best interest. I ignored what they wanted and gave them what I thought was best. As expected, this was not successful. In all my 13-year-old infinite wisdom, I forgot to listen. Listening without agenda has been a goal since that experience. Really listening to what people want and need is Important.

“We desperately need more leaders who are committed to courageous, wholehearted leadership and who are self-aware enough to lead from their hearts, rather than unevolved leaders who lead from hurt and fear.”

— Brene Brown

Self-awareness is one of those tools that one is never made happy by, but it is necessary to leadership. Do we ever want to see ourselves as we really are? The answer is yes if you have the courage to make it a part of your evolution as a person and leader. It is difficult to face the most difficult aspects of yourself. It can be soul crushing, but it can also be the biggest opportunity for growth. In the past, I was part of a teaching team where constructive honesty was a part of the everyday routine. As a result, I experienced so much growth as teacher. We listened, debated, modified, and observed. We rejoiced in success and met failures with thoughtful refection. It was the most rewarding experience of my life. More recently I was a part of a team where there was no feedback or honesty. When genuine assessment was requested, it was met with spurious agreement, awkward silence, or passive aggressive rebellion. It was my first year teaching a new classroom and I was desperate for input. I installed a comment box for my students. It was equipped with small slips of blank paper, a few pencils, and an empty basket for notes. I explained to students that I wanted to hear from them. In the beginning a got only a few notes. At the two-week mark, I began to see more and more notes every day. Examples of these notes included: “My book review will be late,” “thank you for being my teacher,” “there is no more toilet paper in the bathroom,” and “I hate school.” Sometimes they left their name and sometimes they didn’t. Then, the notes began to evolve: “I had a bad dream last night and I’m still upset,” “I am stressed, can you help me?” “I wish I had more friends,” “Please don’t call on me today, I have a headache,” “We might be moving to a different school, and I am sad,” “You talk too fast,” “Can I speak to you in private today?” “My parents are getting divorced,” “My dog died,” and “You are my favorite teacher ever, but don’t tell anyone!” As I read them every day, I learned more and more about who they were and all the feelings they couldn’t say out loud. These small slips of paper became a window to their little souls in a way I never anticipated. They let me know if they didn’t like my lesson or if they thought the work was too hard. One even told me that I needed to eat healthier because he was concerned about my weight. (That one stung a little, but he was right). Girls told me when they were on their period. I heard about weekend parties, soccer games and gymnastic meets. I heard about playground and friend drama. I heard about fears, hopes, stress, losses, and victories. And I heard about myself as a teacher in the brutal and unfiltered way only a child can deliver. It was not always easy, but it was necessary. My teaching became more individualized and my guidance more relevant. This experience taught me more about genuine leadership than any mentoring or coaching experience ever has. It reminded me that it is not about me, it is about them.

“Leadership is about vision and responsibility, not power.”

— Seth Berkley

I have had many leadership examples in my life. My parents and teachers were the first and my supervisors, mentors, and directors later in life. I have learned so much from each of them. I learned that listening, courage, self-awareness and love are vital. I have also encountered my share of charlatans, power mongers, and dictators. I have attempted to make sense of what those ineffective and damaging leaders have in common. After much thought I believe that it is fear; fear that someone won’t notice their accomplishments, fear of losing power, fear of others talking about them behind their back, fear that another’s ideas may be better, fear of others who are admired or effective. All these things have to do with the leader and nothing to do with the people they are trying to lead. It is the very reason that a narcissist cannot be a genuine leader. Making and enforcing rules doesn’t make you a leader, it makes you a warden. Real leadership is not about ambition, power, forced loyalty, or restrictive environments, it is about the responsibility the leader has to people in their charge. It is about walking the walk because words are useless without action. Leadership is lifting a community and helping those around you without collecting emotional collateral or expecting anything personally in return. Leadership is about genuine investment in others and the community. Leadership is about courage. I am still learning to be this kind of leader. It will be a lifelong endeavor but positive examples, mentors, books, and my students make me better every day. My ambition, my only ambition is to be brave enough to always allow my experiences to change me for the better so I can always be valuable to my community